It seems that the new age is fascinated by the concept of flow, the idea of moving in harmony with whatever life throws our way. It's about embracing what's meant for us and aligning ourselves with the currents of fate.
However, for me, it is not an option. I don't simply let life happen to me; I actively shape my own destiny. I don't just flow; I initiate.
This fundamental choice lies at the heart of existence: to react or to initiate. As long as I remain passive, I am merely responding to external stimuli. But when I take the initiative, I become the author of my own experiences.
While flowing may seem effortless, it often leads to a lack of control over my direction. When I react to the world around me, I am essentially allowing others to dictate my actions.
This doesn't mean I'm against relaxation or enjoyment. I cherish moments of rest, a rejuvenating massage, a leisurely walk in nature, or an immersive movie experience. The distinction lies in the intention behind these choices. I engage in these activities out of a genuine desire for fulfillment, not out of compulsion or reaction.
But why this relentless pursuit of initiative? Why this unwavering proactive stance? What's the value in it all?
I operate from a deep-seated belief that my reality stems from my inner world, from the stories I construct about myself and the world around me. These narratives shape the experiences I encounter. This realization has instilled in me a profound sense of responsibility for my own thoughts and beliefs, ensuring that the reality I manifest is aligned with my aspirations.
When I flow, when I allow external forces to dictate my actions, I risk embracing narratives that are not truly my own, and that conflict with my deepest desires and values. I may find myself responding in ways that I later regret, driven by the "automatic responses" of my subconscious mind.
Reaction places me on a path that I didn't choose, forcing me to adapt to circumstances rather than shaping them to my liking.
In contrast, initiation empowers me to consciously examine my actions, ensuring they align with my goals and values. It allows me to actively invite the reality I desire.
Initiation involves a deeper introspection, a process of understanding the voices that guide my choices. Are my actions driven by fear, weakness, or a genuine desire for growth and fulfillment? Only by understanding my underlying motivations can I make conscious decisions that align with my true self.
Recognizing the profound impact of words, choices, perspectives, and thoughts, I am committed to taking responsibility for my own happiness. I choose to be the author of my life, not a mere spectator in the grand theater of existence.
So, without succumbing to predestination, without allowing fear or worry to dictate my actions, I choose to initiate. I embrace the power within me to shape my own reality, to create a life that reflects my deepest desires and aspirations.
And all this even before I started talking about how to initiate and create reality - that's for another post...
To make this information more accessible, consider the following examples:
A mother of a six-year-old boy shared that when her son's teacher called to complain about him, she would immediately get angry with her son and agree with the teacher's proposed actions [immediate response to the teacher's words - operating from an "automatic" reaction in this case - to align with the teacher].
In many instances, she later discovered that the teacher's account was inaccurate, not because the teacher was intentionally wrong, but because she lacked complete information at the time. After reviewing the full details, the mother felt no need to reprimand her son.
We agreed upon a different approach. The mother was instructed to respond to the teacher with a standard reply, regardless of the incident or complaint: "I will discuss this with my son and get back to you" [initiating a neutral and non-reactive response].
After several instances, she observed some interesting outcomes:
- Even if the situation was exactly as the teacher described, the delay provided her with the time to process the information rationally and formulate a response not driven by anger or satisfaction, but by what was best for her son [initiating a balanced and objective assessment].
- When discussing these incidents with her son, the mother adopted a non-accusatory approach. She refrained from assuming his guilt before fully understanding the circumstances. This fostered a more open and collaborative environment for communication.
- By initiating a different mode of interaction, the mother not only improved her relationship with her son but also influenced the teacher's behavior. Observing the mother's composed and measured response, the teacher became more cautious in her communication and more inclined to engage in a collaborative problem-solving approach.
A recently divorced man found himself grappling with a dilemma. His friends encouraged him to jump back into the dating scene, urging him to meet as many women as possible in order to feel "manly" again. Despite complying with their advice and setting up dates, he found the whole experience unfulfilling and had no genuine interest in pursuing any of these connections. He confessed to feeling trapped in a cycle of reactivity, explaining that while he felt finally "free" from his marriage, he struggled to "flow" with the expectations of his friends and society.
I asked him why he felt the need to "flow" in this way, and he confidently replied that it was simply the "done thing" after divorce. He felt compelled to conform to social norms and expectations, even if it meant compromising his own desires and well-being [This tendency to react to external pressures, without considering his own inner compass, led to a sense of frustration and dissatisfaction].
After discussing his situation further, we realized that his reactive approach was creating unnecessary stress and preventing him from genuinely connecting with potential partners. Instead of flowing with the expectations of others, we decided to focus on initiation – empowering him to make choices that aligned with his own values and goals.
He decided to take a break from dating until he felt genuinely ready to pursue a relationship on his own terms. He chose to focus on processing the emotional and mental residue of his divorce, gaining a clearer understanding of what he sought in a future partner. Only after undergoing this process of self-discovery and feeling secure within himself did he feel ready to re-enter the dating scene, this time driven by passion and a genuine desire for connection [here again - I make sure I invite the reality I want to reach].
A father shared his struggles with managing his daughter's frequent outbursts of crying and tantrums whenever he tried to leave the playground. He would often react in various ways, either giving her more time to play, getting angry, or bribing her with candy to calm her down.
Recognizing the pattern of reactivity, we suggested a more proactive approach – [initiative!] initiating a solution that would ease the transition from the playground to leaving. We proposed a plan where the father would notify his daughter a few minutes in advance before leaving, allowing her to choose three songs to listen to on the way home. Additionally, he could pack a sandwich for her and give it to her a few minutes before leaving, providing her with a distraction and making the farewell easier.
By taking the initiative and anticipating the situation, the father could effectively manage his daughter's emotions and create a smoother transition away from the playground.
A manager in a company found herself constantly reacting to her CEO's demands, feeling pressured to please him at all costs. This constant pressure led to internal tension, strained relationships with her team members, and sometimes even unsuccessful outcomes.
Upon analyzing the situation, we realized that her actions stemmed from a need for approval and a desire to prove her worth [response - I will usually operate from my "automated machine" - and later I may regret it]. This reactive approach, driven by external validation, was causing her distress and hindering her ability to manage her team effectively.
We explored ways in which she could take initiative and manage the situation in a way that aligned with her values as a relaxed, supportive, and caring manager. After considering various options, she decided to approach the CEO and propose an optimization process for her department. This process would involve prioritizing tasks based on urgency, scheduling discussions with the CEO to determine execution dates, and implementing clear communication channels.
While the method itself was not revolutionary, it represented a significant shift from the previous reactive approach. The CEO, accustomed to simply assigning tasks and expecting immediate results, was initially surprised by the manager's initiative. However, he recognized the potential benefits of this proactive approach and agreed to implement the proposed changes.
This shift from reactivity to initiation empowered the manager to take control of her responsibilities and manage her team in a way that aligned with her values and leadership style. It also improved her relationship with the CEO, fostering a more collaborative and productive working dynamic.
These examples highlight the transformative power of initiation in shaping our reality. By consciously choosing to respond rather than react, we open ourselves up to a wider range of possibilities, exert greater control over our actions, and create outcomes that are more fulfilling and aligned with our true selves.
So...
I also invite you to not to flow... to initiate your own reality,
And if help is needed, I'm here :)
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